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Post by Champ on Mar 22, 2010 13:32:40 GMT -5
There have been times, things have popped into my head that can be turned into a good joke for a comedian. But by the time I wrap it all up in my head, I'd only have like 3 minutes of material lol. I think you definitely have to be born with the knack to be a standup comedian
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Post by Naitch on Mar 22, 2010 13:39:23 GMT -5
You do need a knack for it. Thats why I only do it every now and then. I feel like that old guy off of Beyond The Mat. My gigs are getting further apart. Which I am fine with. Life is treating me pretty good.
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Post by Champ on Mar 22, 2010 19:54:51 GMT -5
There was a time I would hae loved to do stand up but it just never came together for me to even try. I didn't understand the delivery part of it like I should have until I was finally not interested in giving it a shot anymore. But I could never do it now because I honestly don't know myself as a comedian and who I'd want to be up there. So if I even tried, it would be a disaster. I'm much better at playing bass and guitar lol
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Post by Naitch on Apr 15, 2010 14:31:01 GMT -5
The Pissing Blood Joke
Note: I'm not really pissing blood, its just a joke.
I get nose bleeds a lot. I bleed all over the fucking place and living in a high altitude spot like Denver, lets face it, doesn't help. So when I woke up this morning with blood on my sheets I wasn't really surprised. I picked my nose to get the blood boogers out and they were snot boogers. I look down and the cock region my boxer briefs was soaked in blood. I look at the spot and think about what happend. As I'm looking I see two pieces of corn, almost undigested just sitting in my fucking piss blood. I thought shit, there goes my paycheck on doctor bills. Then I decided that I should look at this problem as a glass half full type deal. As long as I have this problem, my snack bill has gone to zero dollars.
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Post by MasterSnit on Apr 15, 2010 15:24:21 GMT -5
How the hell did corn get into your cock?
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Post by Naitch on Apr 15, 2010 16:16:53 GMT -5
How the hell did corn get into your cock? I heard someone talking about how they were pissing blood and corn once and thats how I got that joke.
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Post by Champ on Apr 15, 2010 22:45:52 GMT -5
LOL your jokes are definitely there! I hope you can get a youtube video of it so I can see your delivery!
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Post by Champ on May 1, 2010 1:21:05 GMT -5
I just started watching Artie Lange's standup from the secret stash on Comedy Central, "Jack and Coke". His opening line was the greatest,
"I'm glad Heath Ledger died, and I'll tell you why"
Now THAT'S a line to open a standup with to suck the crowd in!
If there's any advice I can give you as a fan, Naitch, the right opening line can make the rest of the time on stage that much more effective
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Post by Naitch on May 1, 2010 9:09:50 GMT -5
I just started watching Artie Lange's standup from the secret stash on Comedy Central, "Jack and Coke". His opening line was the greatest, "I'm glad Heath Ledger died, and I'll tell you why" Now THAT'S a line to open a standup with to suck the crowd in! If there's any advice I can give you as a fan, Naitch, the right opening line can make the rest of the time on stage that much more effective I find the opening the hardest actually. Somehow the U.S. Air Force about five years ago caught wind that I have absolutely no fear of public speaking. So I wound up doing all kinds of speeches. And that opening line that catches the audiences attention is a pregnant dog. If I have to be serious I hate it. Fun little story here. When I graduated Airman Leadership School back in September of 2005 (thats when they caught wind) myself and a girl I graduated with were chosen to give our graduation speech. And believe me, being chosen is an honor. That means your class thinks very highly of you. We had this opening line where we walked to our podiums and I said Hi I'm (her name) and she said Hi I'm (my name) and then we looked embarrassed and traded our cue cards. And that's the best opening line I'll ever have.
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Post by Champ on May 1, 2010 14:09:51 GMT -5
I've seen opening lines ruin standups and speeches. Not even because the opening line sucked, but because it simply wasn't impactful.
I feel like, in standup at least(and this is coming from me strictly as a FAN of standup, not a pro), just saying anything unexpected will get a comedian off to a good start.
For example, they announce your name and you go up on stage and the first thing you say is, "Canada sucks". I'm not saying "Canada sucks" is an awesome opening line, but anything that no one saw coming is a good start. You know what I mean.
I can definitely see opening lines being a struggle. I can sympathize with struggling comedians because the second a guy goes up on stage and says something typical like, "so I was at the supermarket the other day", I almost become instantly pessimistic about him. Comedy is in my top 3 favorite entertainments with music and wrestling.
I used to think about standup all the time. I just refuse to attempt it because I know I wouldn't be awesome. I need to have awesome potential to try and succeed at a form of art or entertainment.
A part of me still would like to attempt local wrestling one day. They have shows near me sometimes where they get a few old famous wrestler. But at this point in my life, I'm turning 31 this summer, by the time my body is fully healed from the back, neck, and shoulder injuries I'm hoping to have a record contract by then lol
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Post by Naitch on May 1, 2010 16:11:20 GMT -5
I usually walk out with my cell to my ear (its always turned off in case I get a call) and time it so when I get to the mic people will hear somethinig like "Its not my fault I gave you herpes. Ok ok, gotta go now, bye. Hey ladies, guess who wants to bang you and has a clean bill of health!".
And you should try wrestling. Go to the Dog Pound (If I remembered the name correctly.) Homicide runs that one. Hes trained a ton of people that have made it on the indy scene and Amazing Red. I suggested that one because its probably the closest reputable school near you. If you don't mind drive to PA I would say the school Mike Quakenbush runs would be the way to go. He also runs/own Chikara and all the graduates get at least one match on a Chikara show after graduation. The ROH school seems to have the most big names come through. Currently Delirious is the head trainer but before that it was Bryan Danielson and before that CM Punk.
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Post by Champ on May 1, 2010 17:48:19 GMT -5
See that's brilliant!!! If I saw a comedian go on stage and start his standup like that, I'd invest my undivided attention into the whole act. You must have gotten an awesome reaction with that
I really like your material, Naitch! Just the few jokes you've told us, without having seen you perform, I already imagine you being better than at least 80% of the comedians on tv already. If it's on youtube or on a site I'll be the first person there to watch it. It just comes down to delivery. But going by your understanding of charismatic performances I have faith that you'd have excellent delivery
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Post by Naitch on May 2, 2010 0:34:35 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind words. I actually did some stand up over in Stapleton tonight. With interesting results that I'll get too. The wife was out of town for the weekend I figured why not. And here is a story about an opener you'll love Champ. I started off with my cell phone bit. I just kind of wing the dialogue to whatever comes natural the moment and tonight it was
"Bro, she totally wanted it! No fucking way she was 10! Really? Look man she may have told me once but there was no way she was screaming it during the act? You still have the tape? Well lets check it out later and put a friendly wager on that. Gotta go some rude people are eavesdropping in on my conquests. Yes, exactly, just like Republicans."
Then this housewife yells "Child rape isn't funny!"
Then being the giant asshole I am I yelled back "Shut up cunt I didn't pay to hear you talk."
And because of that little incident I'm actually going on the radio Friday afternoon to hang out with a couple of DJs at the rock station that have comedians in on that day of the week. And next Thursday/Friday/Saturday I'm getting a chance to open for (pay free of course) Craig Robinson. And that scares the hell out of me because this guy is way out of my league. And hes the type of guy that puts asses in seats so if I fuck up I'll know about it.
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Post by Champ on May 2, 2010 0:58:57 GMT -5
Oh fuck off you stupid whore! Women like that need to get punched in the cunt
To me there is no such thing as bad taste in comedy. It's more about what you prefer. You seem to have shock value to your bit and there's absolutely nothing bad about that.
And hey, it got you exposure and there's no such thing as bad publicity!
Fuckin good luck opening up for Craig Robinson! That's awesome! That's what happens when you use your talents with the attitude of "nothing to lose". Some stupid twat gets offended and now people are suddenly interested in you.
That's what I realized about that show we got fucked over on that I updated you guys about in my "concert" thread. My singer got pissed and didn't take shit from Kittie's manager. I thought it wasn't a smart thing at first. But because of that incident and us playing our asses off with the 3 1/2 songs we were allowed, the manager heard we made a huge musical impact as well as getting screwed and now we're going to headline that club in August. We wouldn't have gotten that opportunity if we didn't get thrown off stage.
Always stick to your guns and don't take shit and people will take you seriously. Trust me, in the entertainment business, I'm still learning more and more every month
BTW, I laughed my ass off while reading that 10 year old joke. Yeah, child rape isn't funny, IN REALITY, but this is standup comedy, no one actually got raped. So that stupid b1tch doesn't belong in a nightclub
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Post by Naitch on May 2, 2010 1:10:35 GMT -5
I was hanging just off stage with the other comedians tonight man, and seriously, like out of the fifteen people entertaining tonight I think 14 didn't have a shot in hell. Because of the openers like you brought up. It was a bunch of "I was hanging out in an airport and......." fuck off and die man. People in the audience actually came up to me and complained about the other comedians. Maybe I was cut out for this. I'm thinking about giving this comedy thing a serious go. I don't mind traveling and seeing other towns. Shit maybe someday we'll play some festival together.
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