The future of WWE Superstars

[Naitch]

This is a thread for our not serious predictions of the future of WWE superstars. There are two rules for this thread. 1. Have fun and 2. There is not continuity. Nothing goes from post to post unless it is in conversation form. So you can reuse all the gimmicks you want for El Torito.

For this first thread it is a Shield/Wyatt/Lana/Santino repackaging.

Luke Harper is up first. Inspired by 1995 WWE, Harper will keep his name and be a truck driver. He is the guy that gets the ring to the arenas. He also loves truck stop prostitutes, and will soon have a valet named Mercedes who will have a mouth very similar a meth heads. Because she is a meth head.

Erick Rowan- Rowan will packaged with a gimmick of a man who loves anal sex. Being the giver and only to women. "Sodomy" Erick Rowan will be his name. The catch is, he is a virgin, but thanks to porn he really wants to try anal. While Carole Brady is Guest GMing one night, someone will put Rowan up to going to her, while the camera is running and live, to go up to her and say "I'm going to stick my fuck stick in your shitter." Ron Simmons will give us a "DAMN!" and Rowan will be fired before they can come back for our Lugs Boot of the Week.

Bray Wyatt- The most interesting man in the world. That's it, they are just going to rip off those commercials, shot for shot, word for word.

Lana- Remember what TNA announcers said about Rellik? Same thing, but she'll keep her name.

"District Attorney" Dean Ambrose. D.A. Dean Ambrose is a simple man who lives for the law.He came to the WWE for one reason. To prosecute Kane for the murder of Katie Vick. The feud will end when Ambrose handcuffs Kane at Summerslam 2015 and gives a witty one liner. He will then feud with Daniel Bryan because the initials DB are one better then DA. This feud will be long and pointless but at least the matches will be good.

Roman "Makes It" Reigns- Male stripper, will get fired the same night as Rowan when he accidently shows his flaccid penis during a match intro.

Seth "Hand of the King" Rollins- Just sits around and tells everyone that the Game of Thrones books are WAAAYYYYYYYYY better then the show. You should read them. Right Now. Or you are stupid.

Santino "King of the North" Stark- Thinks the shows are better then the books and cries whenever he thinks of Ned Stark dying.

[Champ]

I'm going to stick my fuck stick in your shitter Lmao!

I like the Lana/rellik idea....A LOT

Ok I'll give it a whirl

Seth Rollins will start his own band. It'll be called the Seth "no relation to Henry" Rollins band. He will do performances at raw while Adam roses entourage watches him perform. As they wait to catch him for a crowd surf, he's going to do a flying flip over the top and take them all out instead.

Roman reigns is going to be acknowledged as the rocks brother. We all know they're cousins in real life but tv will tell us, fuck you they're brothers. The rock will return for one last run. Then roman will start stealing his catchphrase going, if ya smellll what the roman is cooking! Then the rock just gets pissed off and embarrassed and goes, fuck man, "when it REIGNS it pours!" The next week, "when it reigns it pours" signs are everywhere on raw. After the rock leaves(again), roman will start showing how smart he is with a genius IQ and they'll do segments with him displaying inhuman mental brilliance. Then he will take on the name REIGNman.

Since dean Ambrose is known as the Tittymaster in the IWC, he's going to take that to a whole new level and become a Titty doctor. There will be vignettes of him doing checkups on random divas and big e Langston. He will officially be the Tittymaster dr dean Ambrose and he will have nurse slobberknocker as a valet.

I have a simlar idea for Erick Rowan that Naitch has except, Rowan is going to reveal that he's extremely gay and weird. He's going to team up with goldust and constantly freak out goldust every week because he's even too weird for him

Luke Harper will start dressing up in a suit and clean himself up and become the next executive Vice President of talent relations. He will start going by his "real name" Richard Barnes. His sole purpose is to torture zack Ryder every week by making him take down the ring and mopping up the bathrooms at the arenas and shit like that.

We are going to find out that sister Abigail is in fact bray Wyatt himself and bray Wyatt is actually bo Dallas. Bo is going to reveal himself as the REAL mastermind behind the Wyatt stuff and Bray was his puppet all along just carrying his bray Wyatt message. Bo(who is actually bray) is going to make bray(who is actually Abigail) wear dresses to the ring and he's going to slap him around whenever he's out of line.

Santino is going to pull a reverse Morton Downey in tropic thunder. We are going to find out he's actually a black guy playing an Italian guy, but he's from Australia. So he's going to be a black guy with an Australian accent and eventually starts wrestling crocodiles and gets killed by a stingray.

Lana will be my sex slave. That's it

[Velkontés]

I had an idea that they give a new recruit in nXt the ring name "John Boring". Then they can keep him backstage and when the crowd starts chanting "boring" during yet another Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston match, he can do a run-in

The catch is, he is a virgin, but thanks to porn he really wants to try anal.

I've got a depressing feeling that people like that actually do exist

Since dean Ambrose is known as the Tittymaster in the IWC

Wait, what???

We are going to find out that sister Abigail is in fact bray Wyatt himself

That's some mighty fine CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT there Champ

and bray Wyatt is actually bo Dallas

I saw someone elsewhere suggest that Willow unmasks and it's actually Matt Hardy. That made me laugh.