Post by Naitch on Dec 21, 2013 18:02:48 GMT -5
Those of you that have been in the fitness thread know that I am going to be participating in a BJJ tournament in February (I wrote January there but I'm a fucking retard), which means I obviously am going to a MMA gym several times a week. The gyms owner's wife is a contracted UFC fighter returning to training off a serious injury to hit pads and practice her own BJJ. To support her was like every big named fighter in the Denver area. Including my new enemy in life, Bobby Lashley. What happens next I'm expecting on youtube any time now.
Here is the story, Bobby was running his mouth about how wrestling is better then BJJ and yadda yadda yadda. So some black belt decides to make an example out of him and asked if anyone under purple belt wanted to school him. Every fiber of my being wanted to do this so I stepped up like a vengeful motherfucker. My coach that day pulled me aside and told me exactly what would happen.
1. Lashley will use his wrestling skills and bulldoze into me taking me down. This happened. I went for a gullitone choke on the way down but I'm sure at best I put my arm on the top of his head and then I hit the mat and then I wasn't even doing that.
2. I should pull guard. I did. Bobby is a big boy so it wasn't a great guard, just there.
3. He will lay on you. Hey he did just that. But then Bobby got cocky and as we stared hatefully in each others eyes waiting for the other to flinch, he made the dumb mistake of putting one arm on the inside of leg. Two arms inside my guard is fine, but one arm is just asking to be choked out. So about half a second later I have that fat pregnant dog in a triangle choke. In hind sight, I realize how little of a MMA lifespan Bobby has left because he doesn't know how to get out of a triangle choke, at all.
4. What my coach didn't say was going to happen happened. My calf cramped and my left leg pretty much went dead. So, unable to use all of my limbs I lost my spar match with that fat fuck.
5. Also what my coach didn't say, Lashley started running his mouth to me. So, I replied the only way one man can. I told if Vince McMahon could take titles off of him, I could to, except MMA just doesn't give people titles. So we go prison yard staring and shoving until it's broken up and this where my story really ends. With me not finishing Bobby Lashley off, in a simple move that even beginners know how to get out of. Fuck Bobby Lashley.
Here is the story, Bobby was running his mouth about how wrestling is better then BJJ and yadda yadda yadda. So some black belt decides to make an example out of him and asked if anyone under purple belt wanted to school him. Every fiber of my being wanted to do this so I stepped up like a vengeful motherfucker. My coach that day pulled me aside and told me exactly what would happen.
1. Lashley will use his wrestling skills and bulldoze into me taking me down. This happened. I went for a gullitone choke on the way down but I'm sure at best I put my arm on the top of his head and then I hit the mat and then I wasn't even doing that.
2. I should pull guard. I did. Bobby is a big boy so it wasn't a great guard, just there.
3. He will lay on you. Hey he did just that. But then Bobby got cocky and as we stared hatefully in each others eyes waiting for the other to flinch, he made the dumb mistake of putting one arm on the inside of leg. Two arms inside my guard is fine, but one arm is just asking to be choked out. So about half a second later I have that fat pregnant dog in a triangle choke. In hind sight, I realize how little of a MMA lifespan Bobby has left because he doesn't know how to get out of a triangle choke, at all.
4. What my coach didn't say was going to happen happened. My calf cramped and my left leg pretty much went dead. So, unable to use all of my limbs I lost my spar match with that fat fuck.
5. Also what my coach didn't say, Lashley started running his mouth to me. So, I replied the only way one man can. I told if Vince McMahon could take titles off of him, I could to, except MMA just doesn't give people titles. So we go prison yard staring and shoving until it's broken up and this where my story really ends. With me not finishing Bobby Lashley off, in a simple move that even beginners know how to get out of. Fuck Bobby Lashley.
